I don't know about you but sometimes I get aggravated by all the beautiful birth affirmations I see on social media.
The birth affirmation drain.
I tried to love birth affirmations, I really did. But, I just never could get comfortable using someone else's words to talk about myself, especially when it was something with which I was already struggling. It seemed like there was always some loophole; some way that what I was saying was true... Just not true about ME.
Have you ever felt that? I don't know. Maybe it's just me.
But, those feelings gave me the opportunity to really think about birth affirmations and their deeper purpose.
Of course, I understood that they are supposed to empower birthing people throughout their pregnancy to have a positive, strong birth experience. And, I thought maybe they worked because of the law of attraction. But, that’s it…
Birth affirmations are (or can be) so much more than that though!
What's an affirmation, anyway?
Well, simply put, they're statements of Truth, giving us the power to take ownership over our intentions for our experience. Now - intention - that's an interesting word and what I came to realize is the key to writing a high-quality, effective affirmation. The affirmations I found in books and on social media weren't aligned with MY intentions for myself and my baby... They were someone else's intentions for my birth. That's why they rubbed me wrong! (I'm kinda defiant sometimes)
So, I started journaling... Ok, well, that's not exactly true but you don't need to hear about my boring trial-and-error process. You're not here for that! You're here to learn how to write your OWN birth affirmations.
It's all in the intent!
First, you'll get something to write with and on. I use a journal and a pen - nothing special. You might also want some comfort items like your favorite essential oil, pillows, a blanket, a bottle of water, and maybe a cup of Red Raspberry Leaf Tea.
Then, start writing. Write down how you’re feeling, the things you think you want, the things you don't want, where you are now, and where you want to be during and after labor… just write it all down. (Pro Tip: if writing isn't your thing, use your phone's speech-to-text). It's not important to make it perfect at all. I like to say, "Done is better than perfect" because if I don't, I get all caught up in it being perfect and then I just quit. So, think of this as a very rough first draft.
Now, what you'll notice is that some of the things you write will be positive and some will be negative. That's okay for now! Anyone who tells you not to look at your darker thoughts, fears, and emotions because you will manifest them is unfortunately misinformed and unintentionally setting you up for rigidity in your experience… aka trauma. We don’t want that. We’re here for resiliency, growth, and expanding love.
Look over your list, you’ll probably hate it at first but take notice of any patterns that stick out to you. You’ll probably have several about your body, a couple about your birth experience, and a whole bunch about your baby. Group them together in your mind and then on your paper.
It’s important to understand that affirmations absolutely CAN be positive or negative. For example, "My body was made for this", OR "I am strong enough to do this without drugs". On the surface, they are both positive ideas, right? But, one focuses on what you don't want (in this case, using drugs, which by the way is not negative for everyone who is giving birth). And what you affirm, you attract… so focusing on a negatively framed affirmation isn't going to get you there as easily… but that doesn’t mean it isn’t any good! Just take a moment to reframe the phrase thoughtfully. Be specific and believable. And, write it in the present tense.
That's it! Now you have an affirmation you can love because it's in alignment with your personal thoughts, feelings, ideas, and needs.